Pipe Tobacco: Considering Tobacco Reviews (Archive, 2012)

ARCHIVE: Originally Presented in 2012, (Video in August, 2008)

“Smoking Kills”.

No, furiously sucking nicotine into the lungs
due to a drug addiction for cigarettes … kills.

A country farmer or university professor
enjoying a bowl of Virginia pipe tobacco twice a week
– if it does anything physiological – will

increase the levels of Dopamine,
the body’s own anti-depressant;
reduce stress, and
sharpen his thinking.

You and your children inhale more poison
from your family barbeque
than he ever could produce from a briar pipe.

To say nothing of the toxic exhaust
that spews under high pressure
from your family automobile …

And surrounds you as you walk your children through
shopping centre parking lots
without a second thought.

Human beings today react to extremes
– the ludicrous, infinitesimal presence of
something that is measured in ‘parts per Billion,
that arise from ‘science’ for profit,
and manufactured fear
of engineering-compliant humanity.

Mindless panic of the hand-wringing hypochondriac,
brought about by the arrogant conceit of their own
vacuous opinion.

I do not drink liquor – any liquor.
Yet I do not regard the man or woman
who enjoys a glass of red wine with a meal,
as being an ‘alcoholic’.

When people set their own ‘opinion’
as the rule and guide for all around them,
and dismiss objective moral standards with a
– “that’s your opinion”

their conceit can do nothing
but cause conflict and misery

wherever they happen to be.

YouTube, 2008

Those who remember me from my original foray
onto the Internet in 2008 may recall that
we live a very plain lifestyle,
having no interest at all in modern technology.

A few regular visitors have expressed the wish
that the quiet, refined, sober-minded aspects
of pipe smoking, could return once again –

without the “instant expertise” of those with
least experience; or the gadgetry; or the briar pipe
as a fashionable ego toy.

The pipe supplements quiet occasions in my life:
it does not define my life.

In endeavouring to present “old fashioned”
Countryman’s practices, and the sailor’s methods
that I was taught in the 1980’s,
to a very limited audience on YouTube in 2008,
there were certainly those who expressed
their appreciation
for the historical aspects and morality tales
that were presented on that ’channel’.

But YouTube showed me, clearly, that
people – generally – despise anyone who advocates
self discipline; moral restraint; or even
Respect Enough to leave certain things alone –

like Sherlock Holmes … and the quiet, contemplative,
‘old world’ traditions of pipe smoking;
and it was obvious that my attempts to share
another, forgotten way of life,
had no place in the modern mentality of YouTube.

Being ridiculed for espousing the quiet aspects
of the briar was one thing;

but once crass vulgarity began to appear, it was
– for my brother and me, most definitely time to leave.

I live contentedly without television, stereo,
newspapers, or technological toys – including
a ‘smart phone’.

My worldly enjoyment in this life centres upon
peace, quiet, and the freedom of owning
very few possessions:

a piping hot pot of Scottish Blend tea,
a freshly lit pipe of sweet Virginia tobacco,
my reading chair, a book …
a roaring blaze in the wood stove … and my slippers.

With regard to Tobacco Reviews,
I am certain that enough maturity exists
in those who stop by this site,
that they would treat the articles offered here

much as they would the offerings when invited to dine
at someone else’s home …

You would not – I would hope –
get up and storm out of someone’s house,
simply because they set upon the dinner table,
something that is not to your taste.

There may be the occasional offering at this Internet site which,
equally, will be not to your taste.

Please, simply pass by what is not to your liking,
and partake of something else that is.

And so – with that thought,

On then, to The Tobacco Cellar …

A Genuine Desire to be Helpful

Anyone who might possibly remember the
video tobacco reviews offered by me from 2008 to ’10,
may recall that the thoughts were, indeed,
properly considered reviews.

I light my tobacco with a wooden match – always have;
and tamp it, when needed, with my finger – always will.

I have never ridden the rails of popular opinion
or subscribed to modern thought.
And so, I hope that you will not be disappointed
if the thoughts presented here
turn out to be different than the popular opinion
of the Internet.

For me, when considering reviews in general,

It is utterly Ludicrous for anyone to present a “tobacco review”
until they have had, at least, 7 bowls of a given tobacco;
and that, over a period of no less than a month.

If a tobacco is truly horrible, then by all means state the fact
– but do so without infantile absurdity –

I remember, when recounting my experience
of one tobacco in particular, noting::

“Half way into my very first bowl of Peterson’s Irish Oak,
my head began to ‘swim’ … upon rising from the seat on the back porch,
I keeled over, fell to the ground, and tried to be sick.

For three days afterwards, I could not get the foul taste
of (the stench that I associate with) cigarette ashtrays
out of my mouth and throat.

I was nauseous constantly, for those three subsequent days.”

The tobacco made me ill. A fact that I relayed to the audience
without melodrama or infantile absurdities.

Seven bowls, over a period of no less than one month:
in order to provide a fair and considered review,
that is the procedure to which we always adhere.

I still recall the appalling spectacle of seeing
so-called “Tobacco Reviews”
on the Internet, in 2008, consisting of sentiments like:

“Sets my mouth on fire”,
“tastes like swallowing a bottle of cough syrup”.

Of WHAT use are such puerile outbursts
to any sober-minded man?

The very declaration of pipe tobacco tasting
like ‘a bottle of cough syrup’, for instance,

serves to reveal only that the “reviewer
is either a liar, or neurotic,
or both … for

if he has Never actually swallowed
a bottle of cough syrup,
he is a liar in making the comparison;


if he HAS done so, he is mentally unstable,
and no fit judge of anything requiring mature discernment.

I have certainly always regarded a tobacco review
as a serious responsibility:
the tax imposed by tyrannical, greedy governments is appalling;
and therefore, the potential cost to anyone placing confidence
in my review is, as far as I am concerned, excessively high.

If people are willing to place their trust – and their purse –
in my estimation of a pipe tobacco, I am bound and determined
to make sure that I do not lead them astray;

nor will I play ‘fast and loose’ with their money.


I have always lit my pipe tobacco with a wooden match;
nor will it ever be otherwise.

Incinerating the tobacco with a man-made gadget
will never happen.

The gentle flame of the match provides the optimum heat
for releasing the flavour and aroma of pipe tobacco,
and it is this method – natural flame, of natural wood,
applied to the dried tobacco , that is used here.

Now, a word of Consideration:
those reading the reviews will understand
that my own taste preference is for sweet,
full flavoured tobacco.

Perique, Latakia, and English tobaccos
are not to my taste at all – accordingly, if you
like the latter, then you will understand
that the reviews presented here,
will be of little benefit to you.

What I like; you, probably, will not.

With these things in mind, then, I hope
that the tobacco reviews offered here
will be of some use to one or two folk.

If there is an interest from folk, I hope to
provide a few considered reviews of the tobaccos
that help me to relax and contemplate
those thoughts in life that truly matter.